Excerpt of a memo from a few years ago, during the great recession:
(Redacted) has implemented a consumables reduction program. All consumables; copy paper, toner, note pads, pens, pencils, paper towels, garbage bags, paper plates, plastic flatware, toilet paper, and so forth must be reduced by 25%. (Redacted) is spending far to much on such material which is impacting our financial performance.
The Management
My contribution to the effort:
I wouldn’t want the CEO to miss his bonus this year…
Back when radio stations still had DJs, one would occasionally get the frantic “We off the air” call:
Nowadays, the unemotional monotone computer-generated remote control voice says something like “Alarm, status channel 16, WXYZ silence…” or better still, the answering service.
In some ways, I miss the old days…
I could tell you a joke about UDP,
But you might not get it.
Linux, oh Linux! Where have you been all my (adult) life? I know, I know, you have been right there all along, just waiting for me to get out of my Microsoft phase. Day after day, year after year, you have been sitting there thinking; when? When? When will he pay attention to me? Well, I tell you I am through with that old, expensive habit. Sure, Microsoft has Windows and all that, but you have GUI too. Not to mention the wonderful open office suit. Then there is the back end, I have always been a sucker for back ends. Yours is wide open, with no inhibitions, no problems, no hangups. Microsoft? You can’t even look at their back end without an army of lawyers descending upon you with malice and litigation on their minds.
Up front, you seem complicated and high maintenance. But once I got to know you, I found it is just the opposite; so simple and easy to get along with.
No, my Microsoft days are over, I tell you. I feel secure with your Linux like you will adapt to my needs and communicate with me when troubles arise. You won’t let malicious code get in the way of what could be a wonderful relationship. What’s more, there are so many different versions of you, I feel like I can pick and choose operating systems based on what my needs are. Finally, a computer that does what I want it to.
Sincerely,
Paul Thurst
