I could tell you a joke about UDP,
But you might not get it.
Linux, oh Linux! Where have you been all my (adult) life? I know, I know, you have been right there all long, just waiting for me to get out of my Microsoft phase. Day after day, year after year, you have been sitting there thinking; when? When? When will he pay attention to me? Well, I tell you I am through with that old, expensive habit. Sure, Microsoft has Windows and all that, but you have GUI’s too. Not to mention the wonderful open office suit. Then there is the back end, I have always been a sucker for back ends. Yours is wide open, no inhibitions, no problems, no hangups. Microsoft? You can’t even look at their back end without an army of lawyers descending upon you with malice and litigation on their mind.
Up front, you seem complicated and high maintenance. But once I got to know you, I found it is just the opposite; so simple and easy to get along with.
No, my Microsoft days are over, over I tell you. I feel secure with you Linux, like you will adapt to my needs and communicate with me when troubles arise. You won’t let malicious code get in the way of what could be a wonderful relationship. What’s more, there are so many different versions of you, I feel like I can pick and choose operating systems based on what my needs are. Finally, a computer that does what I want it to.
We are a strange group sometimes, I will admit. However, some of the things I hear my fellow engineers say are rather humorous, even to me. Apropos nothing at all:
Toyota Prius? I would be caught dead in one of those things. I want a car that belches black smoke and the tires squeal when I step on the gas.
When connecting a satellite feed which was silent but supposed to be carrying live programming:
That was not as loud as thought it would be.
When discussing working overseas in various locations:
When I was in the Philippines, they have this stuff called baloot or bolute or something. It is a partially incubated chicken egg. You break it open and the embryo is in there. It was like eating a chicken abortion.
Things said to the general manager:
But it can be fixed, you just haven’t written a big enough check yet.
Yes, I am aware that we are off the air. Unfortunately, every time I start to work on the transmitter, the general manager calls to ask if I am aware that we are off the air.
When discussing the qualities of various car rental agencies:
If it is a rental, no need to be gentle
An irate FCC inspector, upon getting lost while trying to find an AM monitor point. The license was rolled up into a tube and he was smacking the dashboard of the car with it:
Is this your license, or is this a joke?
After a DJ explains why she did not put the back transmitter on the air:
You are off the air, I don’t know how you could mess things up more than that
There are many more, I am sure after I post this, I will add to it.