Excerpt of a memo from a few years ago, during the great recession:
(Redacted) has implemented a consumables reduction program. All consumables; copy paper, toner, note pads, pens, pencils, paper towels, garbage bags, paper plates, plastic flatware, toilet paper, and so forth must be reduced by 25%. (Redacted) is spending far to much on such material which is impacting our financial performance.
My contribution to the effort:
new consumable reduction program
I wouldn’t want the CEO to miss his bonus this year…
The USSR government at the time spent “hundreds of millions of rubles” on this covert operation destined to create utter chaos… We even infiltrated mainstream radios to promote their music and reach millions of people everyday…
As far as I am concerned; The Sex Pistols, meh. However, The Clash was pretty good and when I was living in California in the mid 1980’s, The Ramones were hugely popular with the surfer crowd and pretty much everyone else.
So, without further adieu and with special thanks to Комите́т госуда́рственной безопа́сности (КГБ):
There you have it; an English punk rock band, financed by a Soviet security apparatus signing (sort of) about an American car. Next thing you’ll tell me is that Billy Joel is a CIA front.
Linux, oh Linux! Where have you been all my (adult) life? I know, I know, you have been right there all long, just waiting for me to get out of my Microsoft phase. Day after day, year after year, you have been sitting there thinking; when? When? When will he pay attention to me? Well, I tell you I am through with that old, expensive habit. Sure, Microsoft has Windows and all that, but you have GUI’s too. Not to mention the wonderful open office suit. Then there is the back end, I have always been a sucker for back ends. Yours is wide open, no inhibitions, no problems, no hangups. Microsoft? You can’t even look at their back end without an army of lawyers descending upon you with malice and litigation on their mind.
Up front, you seem complicated and high maintenance. But once I got to know you, I found it is just the opposite; so simple and easy to get along with.
No, my Microsoft days are over, over I tell you. I feel secure with you Linux, like you will adapt to my needs and communicate with me when troubles arise. You won’t let malicious code get in the way of what could be a wonderful relationship. What’s more, there are so many different versions of you, I feel like I can pick and choose operating systems based on what my needs are. Finally, a computer that does what I want it to.
We are a strange group sometimes, I will admit. However, some of the things I hear my fellow engineers say are rather humorous, even to me. Apropos nothing at all:
Toyota Prius? I would be caught dead in one of those things. I want a car that belches black smoke and the tires squeal when I step on the gas.
When connecting a satellite feed which was silent but supposed to be carrying live programming:
That was not as loud as thought it would be.
When discussing working overseas in various locations:
When I was in the Philippines, they have this stuff called baloot or bolute or something. It is a partially incubated chicken egg. You break it open and the embryo is in there. It was like eating a chicken abortion.
Things said to the general manager:
But it can be fixed, you just haven’t written a big enough check yet.
Yes, I am aware that we are off the air. Unfortunately, every time I start to work on the transmitter, the general manager calls to ask if I am aware that we are off the air.
When discussing the qualities of various car rental agencies:
If it is a rental, no need to be gentle
An irate FCC inspector, upon getting lost while trying to find an AM monitor point. The license was rolled up into a tube and he was smacking the dashboard of the car with it:
Is this your license, or is this a joke?
After a DJ explains why she did not put the back transmitter on the air:
You are off the air, I don’t know how you could mess things up more than that
There are many more, I am sure after I post this, I will add to it.
Some kid in class actually said this to me last night:
Problems from the first world
Oh, the horror!
Classes have started up again! I am taking a few night classes, the most interesting of which is advanced routing, including BGP and IPV6. Apologies in advance for any lack of posts or unanswered comments.
A pessimist sees the glass as half empty. An optimist sees the glass as half full. The engineer sees the glass as twice the size it needs to be.
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
~1st amendment to the United States Constitution
Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. To be your own man is hard business. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes the freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers
~Universal Declaration Of Human Rights, Article 19
...radio was discovered, and not invented, and that these frequencies and principles were always in existence long before man was aware of them. Therefore, no one owns them. They are there as free as sunlight, which is a higher frequency form of the same energy.