This is The Stairway to Heaven for a different decade.
It is so big. She looks like, one of those rap guys’ girlfriends. But, you know, who understands those rap guys?
They only talk to her, because, she looks like a total prostitute, ‘kay?
Ordinarily, I don’t much go in for such things as rap music. But this is entertaining, and somewhat universal.
Hard to believe that it was almost twenty years ago. Almost every lyric in that song is innuendo for some sex act. Like it. Dislike it. No rules were broken when making this song. It went to number 1 on the billboard chart in the summer of 1992 and no radio station anywhere ever received a fine for playing it. It was quite scandalous at the time, of course, we were young and naive then. Things have changed.
To the beanpole dames in the magazines: You ain’t it, Miss Thing!
I occurs to me that part of the reason that the radio industry sucks is because the music industry sucks. The radio and music industry used to have a symbiotic relationship, each benefiting greatly from the existence of the other. Of course, the greed and poor business practices of the last decade have driven every fun and thus entertaining element away from both industries. Leave it to the bean counters, who know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
Sadly, no hit that I have heard on the top 40 station these days even comes close to the entertainment value of this 18 year old song.
This doesn’t have much to do about radio, other than the fact that I think they are trying to make Rush Limbaugh’s head explode:
Putting the question of marijuana legalization on state ballots in 2012 may be one of the most effective ways for a dispirited Democratic Party to get reluctant voters out to the polls.
The rest of the story here. If they are counting on pot heads to vote for them, they are going to have to start speaking very slowly, repeating themselves a lot and using words like spleef, dude and bogart.
Radio station owners and managers can be frugal, to put it nicely. At my first station, KUAM on Guam, the FM PD was very proud that he stole the morning show guy from the competitor across town. In a move worthy of WKRP, said morning show guy also swiped all of his liners and jingles on his way out the door. There was, however, one very small, very minor, almost too insignificant to mention problem with this scenario, the liners had the wrong call letters. I would have liked to have been a fly on the wall at that meeting:
Person of reason: Listen, we can’t use these liners, they have the competitor’s call letters.
FM PD: Look, you are being too anal about this, no one will notice the difference.
Person of reason: No, I am not, we are going to confuse the listeners, they won’t know what radio station they are listening to.
FM PD: This is Guam, there are only six radio stations, how confusing can it be, they write our call letters down anyway because we have been on the air the longest (ed note: this is true). Jingle packages are expensive, plus it would take months to get here (ed note: also true).
Person of reason: The competitor is already pissed off, if we go playing their jingles, well, I don’t know what will happen.
Morning show guy (coming out of a fog): Hey, I have an idea…
The original jingle went something like this: “(Mr. Voice) You’re listening to Banana Dan the radio man on Guam’s number one music station, (call letters sung) KGUM!”
The next morning, the big debut happens, as I am driving to work listening to the FM station and I hear:
“You’re listening to Banana Dan the radio man on Guam’s number one music station, Kay!” The solution was editing out the last three letters of the call, and no kidding, the guys on air name really was “Banana Dan the Radio Man.”
On the engineering side, this can often lead to misunderstandings between the guy who has to fix things and the guy who has the checkbook. In one instance, the station manager didn’t want to fix a Marti STL-10 transmitter that was spurring all over the 950 MHz band. It was an FM station, so we were running mono on one transmitter only while the local engineer was repairing the bad PA section, which required a new trimmer cap and FET.
Owner (pounding on the desk): This is unacceptable. How can an FM station be in mono for 4 days?
Myself: There are always options, we could buy a set of back up STL’s and have redundancy.
Owner: How much would that cost?
Myself: About $6,000 for the full set.
Owner: No, no, that is too much! What is taking so long?
Myself: We needed to order parts from Marti. Would could stock a full set of spare parts and buy all the new test equipment needed to fix broken equipment in house and get things back in service in a day or so.
Owner: How much does that cost?
Myself: Well, I suppose we’d need a spectrum analyzer, a signal generator, and one of everything that can break in every piece of equipment we own, plus a big parts cabinet to keep all those parts in. I’d say about $20,000.00 or so.
Owner: WHAT?
Myself: So, what would you like me to tell Dan (the local engineer)?
Owner: Uh, well, I suppose we should run in mono until the parts come in.
Myself: Right.
I love the “this is unacceptable” routine. Last time a station manager said that to me, I replied “Don, now don’t do anything rash. Here is the number for the suicide hotline if you need it…” He said my sarcasm was not appreciated, to which I replied that his assholishness was also not appreciated.
My most favorite one, however, is the roof on the studio building. When the station moved into it’s new digs in 1998, the building was completely redone, including a new roof. Unfortunately, much of the work was bid out and given to the lowest bidder. As such, the studio building ended up with a 10 year roof membrane. What is equally unfortunate, the HVAC guys (also, lowest bidder) did major damage while installing the roof top units. Long and short, the roof has been steadily leaking since 2005. The solution is to put garbage cans under the leaks when it rains hard:
Garbage cans deployed to catch indoor rainwater
Notice the brown stains on the ceiling tiles, this has been leaking for a long time.
Ho hum, just another day at the sieve, I mean office
This one is by far my favorite, two guys just chatting, oblivious of the water dripping into cans mere inches away… After a while, you get conditioned to working in a shit hole. You might think that this is some station out in west podunk, but it is not, this is the single biggest revenue producer that this particular company owns. Good thing appearances don’t mean much in radio.
When I worked in Harrisburg, PA, the assistant engineer’s name was Tom. It would appear that Tom has not paid his taxes, which on the face of it, is not all that surprising:
The wide view satellite shot would be of an area known as the “west shore” in Harrisburg (generally thought of as the Lemoyne, Mechanicsburg, Camp Hill, Enola area). Of course, the creepy PA Department of Taxation advertisement is just icing on the cake. I like the part where they zoom in on the roof of the guy’s house. That’s funny… or is it?
Apropos nothing, from George Carlin, or so legend has it:
I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!
I’m in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!
I think owning a gun doesn’t make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.
My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.
I don’t hate the rich. I don’t pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake and I don’t waste my time arguing about it.
I’ve never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn’t wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven’t burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?
I think cops have the right to pull you over if you’re breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
And, no, I don’t mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it’s good….. and I’m proud that “God” is written on my money. I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don’t want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
I believe that it doesn’t take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.
And what is going on with gas prices… again?
If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I’m a BAD American.
Radio stations, at least when I first started in this business, were always upbeat happy places. Even in the worst of times and conditions, there were enough characters around to keep things lite, even if it was sometimes gallows humor. Back then, radio was an entertainment business, and who better to practice on then each other. Working late at night on a crappy transmitter, there was usually plenty of company and pizza. Even though the pay was low, the perks normally made up for it; diner or a movie trade for overtime, etc. In short, it was a fun place.
That was then, this is now: There is no fun in radio anymore, anyone who attempts to have fun will be disciplined or fired. Here are fifteen ways to ruin your staff’s moral if you think they are having too much fun:
Give the general impression that you don’t care about them, or better yet, don’t care about them.
Slowly erode whatever benefits are left. Start with vacation time, reduce it by 1/3 or more. Force give backs on sick days and personal days.
Stop 401k matching contributions.
Make them pay a greater and greater share of health and dental “benefits.” Make sure the benefits have very high co-pays and yearly deductables.
Place the blame squarely on other shadowy exterior forces such as “The Banks.”
If the employees really have you up against the wall, fire the general manager then blame him/her for every bad thing that has happened in the last ten years.
Don’t give raises. Make an announcement at the Christmas Party that there will be no raises this year.
Micro-manage. Make sure that every decision to do anything, no matter how small or insignificant, is run by you first. No one is capable of independent thought or action. Delay everything for no purpose whatsoever, just to show them who is boss.
Fire all senior staff members because they are making too much money.
Don’t replace terminated employees, rather spread the work around to those left.
Continually ask the staff why it is taking so long to get their work done, hang around and offer meaningless suggestions on how to be more efficient.
To motivate sales people, attend sales meetings. Make each sales person stand up and state what their budget is, whether they are meeting it and what steps they plan to take if they are not. Have the spread sheet in front of you in case they lie.
Do not to any building maintenance: Roof leaks? Wear a rain coat. Furnace doesn’t work? Keep your coat on. Don’t have a coat? Here’s the address for the Salvation Army. Floor rotting out in the production room? Watch your step, else you may have to crawl through the spider webs under the building to get out.
Strongly “suggest” that all employees should work two Saturdays per month. If you think they are not meeting that “obligation” harass them every opportunity you get, e.g. the men’s room, staff meetings, the hall way, call them on Saturday at home and ask when they might be coming to work, etc.
If anyone complains, tell them the are lucky to have a job and if they don’t like it, they know where the door is.
Those are the best fifteen, there are many more. These are tried and true methods that have worked wonders for my former employer’s moral. Not so much, however, the staff. Those poor bastards.
You know, when your job interview seems a little off, perhaps it would be better to seek employment elsewhere:
You know how, sometimes you go into one of these radio station’s conference rooms, there is some picture with waves crashing around a light house or some such with some motivational saying that is supposed to inspire everyone to go above and beyond?
Here is mine:
Welcome to reality, now get to work, there is a lot to do
In one of the better TV shows about radio, newsman Less Nessman reports live on the “WKRP Thanksgiving Turkey Drop give away”
Happy Thanksgiving – WKRP Turkey Drop – kewego http://www.sharkhost.com Happy Thanksgiving from Sharkhost.com! This is a blast from the past, WKRP in Cincinnati Famous Turkey Drop. Sharkhost does not own any copyright to this material. Web host, web design, marketing and promotion.
I always liked that show. “As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!”
I tried to embed “Alice’s Restaurant” but you tube wouldn’t let me, so here is the link, if you haven’t heard it this year and are feeling so inclined.
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
~1st amendment to the United States Constitution
Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.
~Benjamin Franklin
...radio was discovered, and not invented, and that these frequencies and principles were always in existence long before man was aware of them. Therefore, no one owns them. They are there as free as sunlight, which is a higher frequency form of the same energy.
~Alan Weiner
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes the freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers
~Universal Declaration Of Human Rights, Article 19
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